Recently someone (my boss during our training), brought to my attention that we are always trying to predict the future. Isn’t it funny that internal dialog that never hushes? That part of us that so easily distorts another’s words or actions. It turns an innocent statement into an attack. It makes a compliment sound like an insult. You get the picture.
I find it funny how much this has struck a chord with me. I am always prepared for the worst possible scenario because I continually play out all the possibilities in my head so that I am prepared. It is really exhausting.
This training is meant to make me a better salesperson. But I think it is valuable enought to be pulled into every area of my life. I have been spinning on this for weeks and the surface has barely even been scratched. So far his only instruction has been to stop. Stop predicting the future. I keep waiting for him to return to the subject with more directives. Well you know me, I need a method and a checklist and so forth. Yes, I can complicate anything! I laugh at the very thing I just wrote. Because what if? What if it is as simple as”just stop”?
These questions I have saved for months now until I can see Anneliese (my therapist) again. How do I trust after multiple, ultimate betrayals by someone that was supposed to love me? How do I open intimacy and vulnerability doors after slamming them shut to be able to even function at my job, at life? How do I stop being a rug but not go back to living angry with outbursts of rage? Maybe I just stop. I just stop trying to fix it all. I just stop guessing when the next shoe drops or the next betrayal comes. I just stop expecting the bad to keep coming and knocking me down. I just stop with the self doubt and the I can’t and the I shouldn’t. I stop trying to predict the future in order to outrun my past. Just stop.
Maybe if we all just stop then the fractures wouldn’t occur in our marriages, families, friendships, and relationships. Maybe we just keep moving forward trying to cause no harm. Maybe we practice self-care and self-love and see what doors God opens for us. Yeah, I am enjoying just stop predicting the future. I am enjoying living in my now. It is a peaceful place.
So, from one analytical person to all you out there…just stop. And while you are stopping, remember to breathe in the new opportunities, new friendships, the new you and feel your growth from the inside. While it feels amazing on the inside, when all this revelation is going on…the really fun thing, well that’s when you catch someone you love looking at you with this look that you know they are saying to themselves, “there you are”. That’s the good stuff.
“You get to the point where your demons which are terrifying, get smaller and smaller, and you get bigger and bigger.”
~August Wilson
Just Shae It 