Well, it’s almost my birthday. Most of my life I have celebrated my birthday the whole week of said day. This year I have not. Mostly because I’m sad that it’s almost here. Also, because I started a new job as of Monday, January 7. Not because of my age or anything like that. Those that know me, know that I always say it’s better than the alternative. No, I’m sad because there is someone I love very deeply and for years we have celebrated our birthdays together. This year we will not.
No contact has my heart sad. My heart doesn’t live in a logical space. My head always knew the day was probable that I’d no longer have this person in my life. Ahh but my heart, my heart thought we had forever and always together. I think my heart would trade years of my life (not knowing how many or few that I have left) just to be able to laugh with, sing happy birthday to each other, say I love you and of course bear hugs. Yeah, that would be good for me and my heart.
But sometimes our lives change paths through death, divorce, break-ups and so on and that points us in a completely opposite direction from the one we were traveling alongside another person. Even when the separation happens for your betterment or the other person’s (except in the case of death, of course), your heart may grieve for a long time. And that is ok. Give your heart the space it needs to be sad and heal. Just be careful not to get stuck in those emotions.
On my birthday and the day after at some point I haven’t blocked off just yet, I plan to take some time to let my heart remember and feel all the emotions it needs to feel. I may have a Game of Thrones binge or have pizza, creme brulee and bread pudding at Bellinis, or maybe all of them =)
Why would I do this? Well, I have learned a hard lesson the past few months. I have always boxed up my sad/bad emotions and set them to the side, pretended like they didn’t exist. August 2018, I made a life decision that led me to open a Pandora’s box, which was the lifetime of emotions and memories that I had boxed and filed away all through my life. Although I thought I was going to lose my mind when the box was first opened, it has been very healing so far. The process was INSANELY painful in the beginning, but I hung in there and decided to trust God and trust the therapist I have let be my guide through this journey.
I advise that you do not open your Pandora’s box without a professional to guide you and Jesus to hold you. I have no shame in letting it be known that I utilize the services of a Christian therapist. She is amazing and has been a gift from God.
I hope you allow yourself to process whatever it is, whatever bad/sad emotions that your heart needs to journey through in order for you to be healthy and productive in all areas of your life. I hope in that journey you will allow God to pour His love on you and to restore you to the person He has created you to be. And do not let anyone tell you that God doesn’t care if your heart hurts when you have no contact with someone your heart loves. He cares so very much, even when we bring the heartache on ourselves.
Matthew 11:28-30 New International Version (NIV)
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Psalm 34:18 New International Version (NIV)
18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Just Shae It 