Sweetness or love bombing?
I thought everyone received Post-its with sweet words written to make you smile and placed in such a way that it creates a trail to a “little happy” (IE. gift; author of notes). Recently I had a post-it trail to follow. I was so happy about this thoughtful thing that I shared the experience with my boss the next morning during our morning catch up with each other time. Her reaction, “What is a Post-It trail?”, said with complete bewilderment. I was just as shocked that she didn’t know what it was.
See, I have had lots of Post-It trails to follow in my lifetime, in almost every romantic relationship I have ever had. For example, my ex-husband used to use a song that was dear to my heart, “You are my Sunshine”. My grandmother and mother sang it to me as a child and I sing it to my children and Grands. The last time I sang the song though was to Granny, in her last days of life, Feb. 2018. Needless to say, the song is VERY special to me.
My hamster got on her wheel (the one that lives in my brain), and the analysis began. Over a course of time, I asked several people if they knew what a Post-It trail was and NO ONE knew. “Bless their hearts.”, I thought.
Then my hamster, well she kicked into overdrive! I dug through my memories and tried to recall at what times in my relationships that I have been the recipient of the sweet trail that always makes me smile so big. I mean really, to have a person to take the time to be creative and write such sweet things and the timing…to know my schedule, to take the time to place each note where I will surely find it and get to feel loved by the person. Yeah, I’m a bit of a mush pup and it gets me into trouble more often than not.
Anyhoo, as bad as I hate the conclusion that I have arrived at, none the less, I believe my beloved Post-It trails are more times than not love bombing. Ugh, that makes me sad to even type those words.
Let me tell you why (in my experience) that I believe it to be love bombing in most cases. Every single trail that I can recall either came at the beginning of a new relationship or in an established relationship where they were received on the heels of a big argument or when the other person could feel that I was emotionally pulling away because of their negative behavior.
I am not saying every trail is love bombing. I am sure there are people in a healthy relationship where the Post-It trail is not being used in a manipulative manner.
Love bombing, in case you are unfamiliar with the term, is a tool of manipulation used commonly by narcissists or otherwise toxic people. The bombs can be from something as simple as a Post-It trail or as extravagant as a first date that is an expensive weekend trip where the person has bought several gifts for you and made sure that all your favorite foods, snacks, blankets and etc. are included. See? Doesn’t that even sound just so sweet?
Just be careful, when you’re standing in the light of a person’s “love”. Make sure that it is genuine. Don’t allow yourself to get swept off your feet so easily. Because when you get all off in mush pup world, you will abandon your boundaries or forgive and forget a betrayal much too easily. And this is the end result the person was hoping for with all that sweetness.
I don’t think I will ever look at a Post-It trail the same. Guard those boundaries! And even more importantly, guard your heart. I’m not saying let’s not be sweet and do all the mush pup stuff. I am saying we are told by God to guard our hearts above all else. So, must be pretty important, huh? I wish I’d been taught that in Sunday school as a teenager…just saying.
Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
Just Shae It 